The Cartridge Family Band!TM

Spreading peace
and freedom through
MUSIC

. . . and threats if necessary. TM

We formed and were at our height from 2000 to 2002.
We had stopped performing for a while,
but we've made some appearances recently by popular demand --

2006 and 2007:
Arizona Republican Assembly and Ron Paul Rally
American Academy of Physicians and Surgeons
Arizona Citizens Defense League Annual Meetings
Greater Phoenix Kiwanis Club
Temple Beth Sholom's "A Day At The Range"
Phoenix Metro MENSA (The High IQ Society)
The Sheriff Joe Arpaio Roast

2008:
Impromptu a capela duets (Bob and Alan) outside the
U.S. Supreme Court awaiting the Heller case and at
the Wash., D.C. offices of Accuracy In Media

Send email to The Cartridge Family

Re:  The Cartridge Family Band

(Phoenix, 2001) Yes, I'm in a band.  Again.  But this one is different.

I've always been musical, I've been in a bunch of different bands.  But this is the first time I've been in a band that was determined to make a difference.

We're using music the way they did in the 1960s, to bring a message of peace and freedom to America, in a way my writing never can.  With tunes like "The Little Armed Lady From Pasadena" and "Bad Tax Rising" our goal is to change hearts and minds in support of individual freedom and personal responsibility.

We're an acoustic trio, and we're in the studio now cutting our first CD, "Brass Balls," which we expect out in the Spring.  Audience response at our gigs has been great, and our repertoire is growing as we pick on all the BS in society -- no one is safe from our sarcastic muzzle.  This act is going somewhere.

Stay tuned.

Sincerely,

Alan ".22 Caliber Short" Cartridge
a/k/a Alan Korwin, Author
Gun Laws of America

NEWER TIMES
The Cartridge Family Band

A basically revolting Neolithic throwback, the Cartridge Family has zero chance in this year's showcase, by their own fetid design. The admittedly retrograde porkbarrel parody that is the group's mainstay is hard on the minds of modern audiophiles.

Politically discorrected, this acoustic trio strikes fear into both politicians and pacifists, with arcane inane spinoffs like The Little Armed Lady from Pasadena, and 911 (You Keep Me Hanging On).  Oh, their harmonies may be sweet, but it's the sanguine siren-song solipsism that crashed Homer (not Simpson) on the shoals.

A vote for this act is a vote for anarchist free expression like we haven't tolerated in America for years. Save your ears and brains for good acts like Alcoholocaust, the Testoster-Tones, or Elvis Hitler and the Violent Mood Swings.  -Berry

 

RATED "F" FOR FREEDOM
by Glenn Miller

I heard a cool new concept band the other day -- they do all these great tunes about gun rights and political corruption.  They seem to know what's wrong with America and the radical leftists who are trying to bring America down.  Their insight is particularly powerful because it's in song.

Can't remember when I laughed so hard -- they tore a new one for the ACLU, and Miguel Row Your Coke Ashore hit the nail on the nose.  Plus, they've got a bright upbeat sound that's actually musical, like music used to be.  I couldn't help but hum some of the songs in my head days later.

They're bound to get in some trouble though, because they're not afraid to call a spade a spade. You wish you got this kind of candor in the news, but you never do.  I can see why they call this debut album "Brass Balls."

One of the Cartridge Family, Alan Korwin, is apparently pretty well known.  He's written six books on gun laws and is a guest on talk radio a lot.  The one who looks like Beatle-mania, Eric Cartridge, is a producer in the advertising business, and the other guy, Craig something, is just a CPA with an MBA.  WFC, right?

It's a punchy combination, but they can really punch out a tune, and they punch out the lights of bigots and political tyrants who are trying to take away guns and destroy what has always made America strong.  Don't you just want to punch those people sometimes?

I thought this was the best few bucks I've put into the gun debate in a long time.  Now I'm pumped!  The copy I heard did not include the deranged hit, Towelheads Will Roll, by the Cartridge Family's evil twin, Camel and the Jockies, that I had heard so much about.  Oh, and I don't believe all the stuff about Nostradamus predicting The Cartridge Family.

•

Yes!  That was
The Cartridge FamilyTM
you saw at:

•

Testimonials

"The Cartridge Family has got a full-bodied
aroma with a noticeable oaken character."

"Like an East Coast party school,
but with higher academic standards."

"A well-built, smoothly humming,
devastatingly tough machine."

"Sounds like trouble for political bigots."

"It's so refreshing to hear songs
that kick the other guy's butt...
smooth sound too."

Testimonials were provided on condition of anonymity
from highly placed usually reliable unnamed sources.

•

Help the band
afford singing lessons!

1.
Hire us for your next event,
but only if you want your guests entertained!

Click here for gigs list

Click here to send us email

 

2.
Buy our cool T-Shirts and then
you can pretend you're one of us!

Leave no question about your
taste in good clothing.

Only $14.95.
Hi-quality shirt, full-color logo, 2-sided.
Some conditions apply. Reveal your size.

Eric Cartridge has all the inventory --
deal with him directly:
Yes! I Want a T-Shirt!

3.
Buy our $12 embroidered ball cap --
brim attached in front -- highly unusual, rare!

CLICK HERE FOR A SECURE ORDER PAGE
coming soon!

4.
Get Brass Balls, our smash debut album,
and we'll probably never bother you again!

Only $14.95 for the 15-song CD,
still not available in any store.
Call direct to avoid the middlewoman and man.

This album is rated "F" for Freedom.  Please add $4.00 S&H with your
order. Target release date April 2002, but you never know.  Advance
orders gladly accepted and will be held (credit cards and checks will
NOT be cashed) until release date, when your order will be shipped
in the very first batch, with autographs from the three of us.

CLICK HERE FOR A SECURE ORDER PAGE
coming soon!

 

 

(When the page goes live, it might include the following info,
at our secure order site, or maybe not)

The Cartridge Family 15-song CD "Brass Balls" $14.95

The Cartridge Family Full-color T-Shirt MEDIUM $14.95

The Cartridge Family Full-color T-Shirt LARGE $14.95

The Cartridge Family Full-color T-Shirt X-LARGE $14.95

The Cartridge Family Full-color T-Shirt XX-LARGE $16.95

The Cartridge Family Embroidered Oxford Shirt $39.95
Allow four weeks for delivery, specify S, M, L, XL, XXL.

The Cartridge Family Embroidered Denim Shirt $39.95
Allow four weeks for delivery, specify S, M, L, XL, XXL.

The Cartridge Family Embroidered Hat $12
One size fits all, brim in front, very cool.

 

 

Download our
political parody lyrics

Show them off to your friends if you have any --
or play them with your own stinkin' band!
(Coming soon -- Lyrics to our least worst tunes!)

 

ACLU
(to the tune of "YMCA" by The Village People)
(Morali/Belolo/Willis)

Bad Tax Rising
(to the tune of Bad Moon Rising by Credence Clearwater Revival)
(J.C. Fogerty)

911 (You Just Keep Me Hangin' On)
(to the tune of You Just Keep Me Hangin' On by Vanilla Fudge)
(Holland/Dozier/Holland)

Miguel Row Your Coke Ashore

The Little Armed Lady From Pasadena

Wake Up Little Uzi

That'll Be The Day (When You Take Our Guns)

Secret Gun Ban Plan
(to the tune of Secret Agent Man)

The Liberal Aisle (The Ballad of John McPain)
(to the tune of Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash)
(Ask/Eric/Cartridge)

Maybe even more!

 

 

Be nice
to your ears today

Download MP3 samples of The Cartridge Family!

(Coming soon: The Cartridge Family Sampler!)

ACLU

Bad Tax Rising

911 (You Just Keep Me Hangin' On)

Secret Gun Ban Plan

The Liberal Aisle (The Ballad of John McPain)

Talk to us,
book us,
make us offers

(for complaints place finger in electrical outlet)

Click here to send us email

•

Old Upcoming Appearances
(From our heyday, recent appearances are at the top of the page)

February 15, 2002
54th Annual Lincoln's Day Banquet
and Sam Steiger Roast
Prescott, Arizona

April 26-28, 2002
NRA Annual Convention
Reno, Nevada

May 25, 2002
Private Party in Fashionable
Fountain Hills, Arizona

September 20, 2002
American Academy of Physicians and Surgeons
Annual Conference
Tucson, Arizona

September 27-29, 2002
Second Amendment Foundation
Gun Rights Policy Conference
Phoenix, Arizona

(The band layed low for a while after
member Craig Lindsay moved to Texas,
but we've since gotten together as a trio to play
for our demanding and appreciate fans.
Go ahead, convince us to play for you.)

The Cartridge Family

The Cartridge FamilyTM

"We never said we were the best"

Mail, call or click your orders to us!
Note: Nothing currently available for sale.
Shipping and Handling:
$4.00 for one item, $5.00 for 2 items and
$6.00 for up to 5 items

  Accepted 

Every dollar you capitalists spend on this band
helps defend the Bill of Rights more than you know.

All slogans, trademarks and copyrights
of The Cartridge Family are the property of
The Cartridge Family Band.