PAGE NINE -- No. 54
by Alan Korwin, Author
Gun Laws of America


I've created a special feature for the print media and broadcasters ("Page Nine" regardless of where or when it runs), that covers stories afresh, not the way news rooms typically flavor things. It would help reduce the distrust so many news consumers feel and could be the most avidly followed item you carry -- if you carry it. It certainly is well received by my audience.

This casual sample might make you say, "We'll NEVER run that!" but Page Nine is being built around ad revenues from clear-thinking mainstream businesses.

Alan Korwin, Author
Gun Laws of America
"The Uninvited Ombudsman"


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The Uninvited Ombudsman Report, No. 54
by Alan Korwin, Oct. 22, 2008

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(searchable by item number)

Correction on Obama's Anti-Gun Policy
The Cartridge Family is on YouTube
Death to "Gun Nuts"

1- Stock and Wesson
2- Buying Votes Legalized
3- Muslim Insensitivity Suppressed
4- Liberty Poll Grows
5- Postage Stamps Ending
6- Bank News Nonsense
7- Who's Bailing Who?
8- Special Guest Columnist Craig J. Cantoni
    The war over who owns your body



Been out of town at length helping family, this report's a bit late and a bit different than usual. Different is good.

PREDICTION: Whoever wins the 2008 presidential election, web and email postings will explode, and angst and gloating will rule.

The Heller Case: Gun Rights Affirmed! is now available! No more waiting -- get yours now! Don't fall for the BS from the "news" media, find out where your rights really stand. The case will rule for years to come, know how it works for and against you. This "first edition of history" captures the excitement of The Case That Saved the Second Amendment. Your rights are crucial, this book helps you protect them. Complete details now posted:

The Heller Case book cover


REQUEST FOR ASSIST: If you've already ordered this book, please go to Amazon and write a review, it will really help. Thanks! (go to page bottom)


CORRECTION: I was mistaken, Obama does have a posted gun policy, but not about rights -- about Crime And Law Enforcement:
"As president, Barack Obama would repeal the Tiahrt Amendment, which restricts the ability of local law enforcement to access important gun trace information, and give police officers across the nation the tools they need to solve gun crimes and fight the illegal arms trade. Obama and Biden also favor commonsense measures that respect the Second Amendment rights of gun owners, while keeping guns away from children and from criminals who shouldn't have them. They support closing the gun show loophole and making guns in this country childproof. They also support making the expired federal Assault Weapons Ban permanent, as such weapons belong on foreign battlefields and not on our streets."



SPECIAL: My band, The Cartridge Family, is on YouTube. Pretty crummy recordings of some pretty cool tunes --

Miguel Row Your Coke Ashore:

Battle Hymn of the Repubic:

Bad New Tax Arising:

That'll Be the Day (When You Take Our Guns):

Glock 17:


DEATH TO "GUN NUTS": I got more than 100 suggestions for a term to replace "gunnie" and the abominable "N" word (gun nut), and the other derogatory terms the media uses against gun owners, and that we even use ourselves -- to our detriment. Hah, the media rails against stereotypes and false characterizations, then maligns and belittles decent gun owners by ranting about bubbas packing heat. It's a national disgrace.

Well all the suggestions are listed here, and they sparked an idea that I think works, or at least it works for me, and I've been using it with excellent result. First, the suggestions, and you'll notice that not all are suited to the job of nicely saying, "Yes, I'm a (gun nut)." Man, there's some creative people out there, thank you all for participating (the full list is on my website).

2nd Amendment Enthusiast; A Consummate Confronter of Criminals; A Father with Firearms; A Gentleman with a Shotgun; A Gun Dad; A Hero of the Heartland; A Husband protecting his wife; American; American Citizen; America's Eagle; Armed Citizen; armed citizen; Armed Patriots; backbone of liberty; Barrel Chested Freedom Fighter; Bearer of Freedom; Bill of Rights proponent; Building Block of Freedom; calibertarian; citizen; Citizen; citizen guardian; citizens; Civil Defender; Constitutional American; crime deterrent; defender; Defender of the Innocent; defenders; defenser; domestic defenders; Equalizerphiles; Firearm Enthusiast; Firearm enthusiast; Firearm owners; firearms connoisseur; Firearms Enthusiast; Forthright Citizen; Free American; Free American; Free Citizen; freedom defender; Freedom's Defender; Freedom's Keeper; Freedom's Tiger; Freedom's Watchman; Freeman; freeman; gun owners; Holder of Freedom's Fire; Holder of the Flame of Freedom; independent; individualist; Keeper of Freedom's Flame; Keeper of the Flame of Freedom; Keeper of the Promise; law-abiding citizens; lawfully armed american; lawfully armed citizen; Leading Member of a Free American Society; legally armed citizen; Libertarians; liberty advocate; marksperson; Non-subject; normal; Not-a-subject; Not-subject-material; open carry advocate; parent; patriot; people; pissed-off pistol people; pistol people; prepared; Protector of the Flame of Freedom; Proud Remnant; prudent; rational; realists; regular guy; Renaissance Rifle-Man; Researcher In High-Velocity Projectile Emitters--RIHVPE for short, pronounced "riv-pee"; Respected Citizen; responsible; Responsible American; Rightful Citizen; rights-practitioner; Rkba enthusiast; ROSOphiles (ROSO stands for Right of Self-Ownership); sane; Second-to-none American citizens; Secure Citizen; security-minded citizens; Self Defense Activist; Self Defense Advocate; Self Defense Community Organizer; self defense supporters; Self sufficient American; Self-defender; Self-defenser; self-reliant; self-reliant; sheep-dog; shootist; smart; Solid Citizen; sovereign; Standing Member of a Free American Society; Strong American; survivors; The People; Vigilant Citizen; Well-Armed; well-regulated militia; Personally I don't mind "knuckle-dragging-truck-driving-beer-bellied-sloped-forehead-one-eyebrowed-trailer-trash-redneck."

The idea of "marksperson" from Charles W. got me thinking. When I was a youngster I earned my badges as a Marksman. I believe I still am a Marksman, and so are you. A good Marksman? A great one or a poor one? It doesn't matter. A nation of Marksmen is a good thing. We Marksmen have to hang together, and support one another. Women Marksmen, boy and girl Marksmen, GLBT Marksmen, we're all in a struggle for our civil rights, and those who would disarm America's decent, law-abiding, honorable Marksmen have no honor and should be resisted as the threat to freedom that they are. Marksmen unite. There, I've said it.

I'll admit it took a little getting used to, and the grammar sometimes seems strained, but only through its unfamiliarity. The more I use it, the easier it flows off the tongue. It's easy for a gun hater to sneer at a gun nut and feel self righteous, but it just doesn't work so well when dealing with a Marksman.

It's fully proper and correct for a Marksman to teach other people the craft. Offer to take your acquaintances to the range, so they can become Marksmen too.

The Marksmanship Movement in America should qualify for freedom from taxation, just like other enumerated constitutional rights like free speech.

"Are you a gun nut?"
"Of course not. I'm a Marksman. How about you?"

"Are you a gun owner?"
"I'm a Marksman. How about you?"


FACT IN THE SPiTLIGHT: "America has 3% of the world's population but uses 25% of the world's energy."

Everyone's heard that. The "news" promotes it routinely. But is it true? Is it even possible? Who of all those factoid users actually did the research? No one knows. 25% measured how? Who uses the whopping 75% and is the real "villain" in energy use? Does the real villain use 85%? No one knows. Does Europe have only N% of the world's population, but use NN% of the world's energy? Should Communist China's billion farmers without power in the countryside be counted? Of all the people in the world who actually have power, the U.S. has only N% of the pie? Why so little? The popular highly dubious 25% stat is great for attacking America's greatness and denigrating all we have accomplished, but it doesn't do much for knowledge. Maybe that's why the media likes it so much and uses it without a disclaimer.




1- Stock and Wesson

The lamestream media told you:

Stock pries are plunging as frantic investors sell sell sell in panic that is affecting world markets as prices tumble tumble tumble and investors sell sell sell in fear of global collapse, the worst seen since nearly forever.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

Missing from frantic identical news reports is that some investors somewhere are buying buying buying, as a media fueled fire sale turns into the largest shift in capital ownership of business in history. For every share sold, a share is bought, right? Are the buyers the Communist Chinese, fat cats in Japan, India and the EU, the stock funds, mutual funds and pension funds? It must be someone. They're picking up assets for pennies on the dollar, all this sky-is-falling fervor will make some people fabulously wealthy. Maybe it's time to buy a little more Smith and Wesson, at only $2 a share, what a steal.




2- Buying Votes Legalized

The lamestream media told you:

Obama has announced an incentives package that is fresh, innovative and could save the economy, including $60 billion in giveaways to average people.


The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

Barack "Steve" Obama was just endorsed by the gun-ban advocates at the Brady center. They know what they're doing and he has not refused the endorsement, he's earned it. Any mouthings that he supports gun ownership is not worth the air used to utter it, and his extensive plans to outlaw guns, gun possession and gun use are widely known -- the Brady endorsement is just icing on the cake.

The lamestream media didn't get the memo, and hence has not covered the very late endorsement.

On another note, offering money to people so they'll vote for you is borderline fraud (giving the money before the election is actual fraud). The media didn't get that memo either.




3- Muslim Insensitivity Suppressed

The lamestream media told you:

"PARIS (AP) -- Shocked, embarrassed and angry, French officials vowed Wednesday to cancel future national team soccer games if fans ever jeered the French national anthem again.

"The jeers that erupted Tuesday before a game between France and Tunisia came from fans of North African descent -- and laid bare the alienation that many of France's minorities feel. Just three years ago, that simmering resentment exploded into nationwide rioting by youths in the immigrant-heavy housing projects..."


The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

Following the formula "approved" by the Society of Professional Journalists and others, news reports of disruptive and intolerant Muslims jeering the French national anthem failed to use the word Muslim even a single time in a 700-word article that ran verbatim by CNN, FOX and countless others.

"Fans of North African descent" is a code phrase for radicalized, isolated, sequestered, poor Muslim immigrants who have taken over sections of French suburbs around Paris and are fomenting trouble in areas the police are afraid to enter. The unruly Muslims fail to integrate or adapt to their local culture, and submit largely to self-imposed Sharia law, a backward system of rights denial and tribal-style theocratic rule. Although this poses a grave threat to Western civilization, it is a movement all but hidden by the so-called "news" media.

"The alienation that many of France's minorities feel" is another code phrase for immigrant Muslims who legally or through deception enter into foreign lands, with plans to spread their "umma" or orthodoxy to the entire world. No charges have been brought against the media for disguising the true nature of the disruptions.

"Youths in the immigrant-heavy housing projects" is a code phrase for out-of-control young Muslims in "affordable" government-housing-project slums outside Paris.

In other news, the AP reports that "Hundreds of terrified Christian families have fled Mosul (Iraq) to escape extremist attacks that have increased." The lengthy story refers to Christians by name 13 times, while mainly speaking of extremist attacks, militants, and "Islamic extremists" once, in the next to the last paragraph. The Christians, according to the report, are subject to abductions and ransom, but are now subject to a "killing campaign" in violence the AP was at a loss to explain. This version of the AP story actually used the word Muslim more than once for reasons that were difficult to explain--




4- Liberty Poll Grows

The lamestream media told you:


The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

Despite a complete lack of relevant gun-related questions in the "news" media, the public has the subject in mind. Author Barrett Tillman has come up with some excellent additions to the Liberty Poll (, aimed at those who would seek to take away your guns:

"Tell me why you think a woman should 'lie back and enjoy being raped' instead of shooting a rapist dead with the handgun in her handbag."

"Tell me why black Americans should submit to being lynched instead of shooting the lynch mob dead."

"Tell me why homophobes should be free to beat up homosexuals without the risk of being shot."

"Watch Schindler's List and tell me again why only the police and military should have guns."

"Tell me why you think police should be able to shoot an attacker to save their lives but I shouldn't."

 "Tell me why I shouldn't have the best means of defending myself -- a semiauto firearm with a standard capacity magazine."

"Tell me why a woman's right to choose should not include weapon, mag size and ammunition."

"Tell me why you think I shouldn't be able to defend my life or my freedom."

"More than that, tell me why you should not have that right!




5- Postage Stamps Ending

The lamestream media told you:


The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

The post office will no longer let you mail a package with postage stamps on it, if the package weighs over 13 ounces. Muslim jihadi attacks on 9/11 are blamed by officials for the new approach to U.S. mail. The weight limit had been two pounds, dropped suddenly to one pound, and is now just over 3/4 of a pound, without advanced notice.

The only exception is to stand in line at a post office and hand it to a clerk. Handing it to a letter carrier, using a mailbox, or dropping it off at a post office will get it cancelled and sent back to you. For security. How this might prevent a dangerous package from doing harm is unclear. To everyone. Including the people enforcing the new rules. I've asked.

Due to reduced staffing, clerks are only allowed to accept ten pieces of mail at a time (some of the smarter ones however risk their jobs and break the rule to help move the mail despite the insane new policies). I am not making this up.

Time was when the post office was friend and ally, reliably handling mail decade after decade, supporting our efforts, and together we advanced The American Dream in a partnership the Founders would have loved.

This new outrageous denial of service is being done without direct congressional approval, to satisfy new HSA and FAA control over the postal service. FAA rules (for airplanes) apply even if you send books, as I do, by Media Mail, which travels more economically by truck.

The alternatives are to use a meter because it is "traceable," but that's a farce. Anyone can get a meter, move it to Idaho, stuff packages with anything, and drop them in mailboxes. Officials insist metered mail is safer. The English language lacks adjectives for how stupid that is.

Traditional personal hand delivery to your letter carrier in front of your own office is no longer deliverable mail, because officials say it's not traceable if stamped (I know, it's total bullhincky). In truth, hand delivery is a positive trace, while metered mail is...

Extortion. The cheapest meter for us is about $600/yr., plus supplies, plus the cost of postage. That's a 60-cent tax increase per item (if you ship 1,000 packages a year) with no congressional oversight. Online stamp tools, like and similar, are not available to Apple computer users. At least meters only represent an unauthorized letter increase of about a nickel (people go bonkers when letters go up a penny), and look at the bright side -- meters replace exquisite full-color hand-crafted artistic collectible historic postage stamps with attractive bar codes.

The post office is harming productivity instead of enhancing it, devaluing the historical tradition of stamps, interfering with business instead of facilitating it, following mindless rules that make no sense, ignoring its regular customers, bowing to bureaucratic demands from outside agencies, removing customer service, falsely and deceptively claiming to increase security while doing nothing in that regard, and working toward the gradual destruction of America, a role not defined in its charter. Did I mention they're wasting my time... and everyone else's?

If you can tell I'm upset after standing at a window for an hour while the clerk put zero-cents postage-meter labels on 70 packages that already had the right postage stamps on them, you're right. At least, we backed up the other customers out the door, used an hour of a paid clerk's time to put, literally, nothings on the packages, and got a four-foot-long receipt, total value, zero. To all of our new Heller Case book buyers and other customers -- enjoy your books.




6- Bank News Nonsense

The lamestream media told you:

In a debacle that was widely anticipated, Lehman Brothers investment bank, saddled with toxic uncollectible mortgage debt from under-capitalized loans to low-income high-risk home buyers who obviously couldn't afford homes, collapsed into bankruptcy on Sep. 15. Recently revealed secret talks with South Korea and Communist China failed to sell a half interest in the broke company for desperately needed capital. The company's shares dropped from $66 in Feb. to just over $3 by Sep. 12, leading to the expected failure. --This "news" courtesy of ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, FOX, and virtually all newspapers and radio stations.


The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

Before the debacle, writing for, financial expert Yalman Onaran noted, confirming what other experts were saying back then, "Like other Wall Street investment banks, Lehman can now borrow directly from the Federal Reserve, so there's no rational reason to believe the firm will run out of money." Quoted in The Week, June 20, 2008.




7- Who's Bailing Who?

The lamestream media told you:

The $700 billion bailout is good, bad, ugly, pretty, pretty ugly, will help, will hurt, is designed for the fat cats, will protect the average American, is run by insiders, is a normal management move, if we don't do this the sky will fall, if they do this the nation's financial system will be nationalized by czars and money dictators and turn the nation socialist. -- ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, FOX, virtually all newspapers and radio broadcasts.


The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

Not a single report the Uninvited Ombudsman could find provided the number of the bailout bill, which would be needed for a person to look up the proposed bill and see what it actually says.

Failure to provide the number strongly indicates the reporters and pundits, as is standard practice, have not looked at the bill themselves before making wild claims that can't be backed up and don't match each other.

Politicians speaking on the "news" have apparently not read the bill (HR 1424), because it was not even posted on where it would normally appear when they voted for it (originally HR 3997, when it was three pages but still had the $700 billion in it). But...

Politicians haven't written it either. Bureaucrats and "staff" in cubicles in the vast dungeons of government buildings sat and typed, anonymously deciding for themselves how to write the (formerly three pages) and now hundreds of pages that became law. As a writer, I can assure you that one small turn of phrase creates a slush fund or quashes it.

It has been impossible so far to identify, much less interview, the people who actually wrote whatever it is this bill says. They are more protected from view than prisoners in Guantanamo -- no one in the outside world knows their names, locations, ranks, pay grade, home addresses, level of education, agendas, voting records or anything that would shed light on who they are and what they're up to.

The "news" media, in its wisdom, only reported on the bill as either -- a horse race between the parties and houses of Congress, or, as a "he said she said" stew of competing contradictory dreamscapes whose link to reality is unknown -- and obviously wrong for at least half the partisan pundits with their pie holes open.

Real reporting would include the actual content of the bill or who is actually choosing its words, and the verbiage would be vetted by certifiable experts instead of "pundits" and pretty faces.

Whether reporters and editors fail to do this out of ignorance, incompetence, laziness, alliance to the power brokers, misguided morals, personal agendas or plain stupidity is unknown, though some observers say it is all of the above. News consumers generally agree the current methods harm the nation.

A quick glance at the table of contents for HR 1424 reveals entries for college tuition, mine rescue team training, Indian employment, motor sports racing tracks, film and TV productions, mental health parity, disaster relief, Exxon Valdez litigation, and tax exemption for wooden arrows used by children. Don't believe me? Trust your own eyes:




8- Special Guest Columnist Craig J. Cantoni --
The collectivists have won the war over who owns your body


Almost all of the myriad political philosophies can be distilled to two competing ideas:

Individualism holds that people own their bodies and the fruits of their labor, and that they can do what they want with both as long as they don't harm anyone else. Under this idea, the purpose of government is to protect what people own from predators.

Collectivism holds that the king, emperor, alpha male, clan, tribe, state, Nancy Pelosi, or George W. Bush owns people's bodies and the fruits of their labor. Under this idea, the purpose of government is to force people to work for other people, either through slavery, serfdom, tribalism, nationalism, communism, fascism, socialism, Jacobinism, imperialism, mercantilism, utilitarianism, progressivism, modern-day liberalism, neo-conservatism, Obama-ism, Clinton-ism, or McCain-ism.

I can complicate this with an egghead discussion of the great philosophers through the ages, but we'd just go full circle and end up with the two competing ideas. You either own your body and the fruits of your labor, or other people own them.

With the exception of voluntary communes and utopian social experiments, collectivism depends on force. Public education is an example. People who don't use government schools are forced to subsidize those who do, including wealthy people who use them. If public schools are so great, then why do they depend on force?

The same question can be asked about nationalized healthcare.

With individualism and its sibling of capitalism, social and business relationships are voluntary, including feeding the hungry, caring for the sick, and educating the poor. The other "isms' are based on involuntary relationships.

The greatest terrors in the world have come at the hands of collectivists; yet collectivists continue to characterize individualists as mean-spirited, selfish and uncaring.

When taken to its logical conclusion, collectivism results in the absurdity of communism. But individualism would not result in absurdity if taken to its logical conclusion. There is no reductio ad absurdum of individualism.

Collectivists say that individualism leads to social Darwinism, but if individualism had prevailed around the world throughout human history, there would have been no slavery, no genocide, no mass starvation, no gulags, no Holocaust, no Jim Crow, no income gap between blacks and whites, and no constituency for Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and John McCain. Hundreds of millions of people wouldn't have died for someone's collective notion.

The logical conclusion of individualism may be utopian, but it isn't absurd.

What is absurd is that collectivism has won in the United States, which was the last hope for individualism. Collectivism's victory has been so total that individualism is no longer even mentioned as an option by the political, media, business and education establishment.

Do you think that you own your body and the fruits of your labor? Don't be absurd.  

An author and columnist, Mr. Cantoni can be reached at   




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Alan Korwin
Bloomfield Press
"We publish the gun laws."
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