PAGE NINE -- No. 23

by Alan Korwin, Author
Gun Laws of America



I'm proposing a new page for newspapers ("Page Nine" regardless of the page it runs on), that covers stories afresh, not the way news rooms typically flavor things. It would help reduce the distrust so many readers feel. It could be the most read page in the paper.

Here's a casual sample. It might make you say, "We'll NEVER run that!" but the page is being built around ad revenues from clear-thinking mainstream businesses.

Alan Korwin, Author
Gun Laws of America
"The Uninvited Ombudsman"


The Uninvited Ombudsman Report, No. 23
by Alan Korwin, Jan. 16, 2007


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(searchable by item number)

1- Marksmanship For Novices
2- 100-Hour Delusion
3- Lobbyists Laughing Loudly
4- Marijuana Market Madness
5- NRA Fears Congress
6- Black Congressmen Controversial
7- Greenhouse Is People
8- Bias Becomes Blatant
9- Yes -- Counterintuitive Man examines the left and right -- no?


1- Marksmanship For Novices --

The lamestream media told you:
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
The National Shooting Sports Foundation has a new program to introduce novices to target practice and wholesome American shooting sports, with classroom and range time.

Arizona will feature the "First Shots" program at the world-class Ben Avery range on Friday, February 9th, at 5:00 pm, Saturday, February 10th, sessions at 8:00 am 1:00 pm, and Sunday, February 11th, sessions at 8:00 am and 1:00 pm. Click here for a location near you.

It's a great way to bring newcomers into  the sport -- learn the rules and requirements of handgun ownership along with comprehensive information on safety, shooting sports opportunities, individual and group training, and range access. It also answers new shooters' questions regarding firearms and firearm ownership and provides an opportunity to give shooting a try.

"After their First Shots experience, about 92 percent of attendees this year said they are likely to continue to participate in handgun shooting," said Cyndi Dalena, NSSF director of shooting range promotions. "Also, 50 percent of attendees have been women and more than half of all attendees had never fired a gun before First Shots."

In Arizona, contact Tristanna Bickford, Arizonans who plan to attend should contact the Uninvited Ombudsman and help convince him to go along.


2- 100-Hour Delusion --

The lamestream media told you:
The newly ethical Congress under Democrat rule will implement fairness and bipartisan cooperation with a slew of new laws in a mere 100 hours after Congress opens, the lamestream media reported with a straight face.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
The first House bill, HR1, to change the conduct of the Iraq war based on a recent study commission, is 279 pages of intense legalese, which has been in development for months by teams of unelected specialists.

Despite cries of ethics reform, legislators are not expected to read the bill, suggest changes, make deletions or influence the process -- just to vote the party line as they are told and pass the thing, which they have now done.

Dozens of freshman legislators, all spiffed up and eager to get to serious work, were disappointed to learn they would do nothing more than vote as they are told on the new bill. According to experts, the bill is too complex for most Americans to understand, even if they attempted to read it in the few hours before passage.

The table of contents alone has more than 1,000 words. Among the interesting parts are Sec. 7114, the International Arab And Muslim Youth Opportunity Fund, and Assistance To Enhance Modern Educational Programs.

"News" reports failed to mention the fixed nature of the gigantic bill, or its contents, for reasons which remain unclear. It is not know if reporters attempted to read the bill before reporting on it.


3- Lobbyists Laughing Loudly --

The lamestream media told you:
The Democrats very first agenda item for the 110th Congress is ethics reform. They plan to implement a near-total ban on lobbyist-funded meals, vacations, event tickets, gifts, parties, research trips, golf, private airplane flights and other forms of corrupting influence that are routine in Congress. This admirable goal will level the playing field, restore integrity, show good faith, deny power to the powerful, and prove Democrats are better than Republicans.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Lobbyists everywhere were ecstatic about the so-called ethics reforms proposed by Democrats, because the massive savings will go straight to their bottom lines.

Freed from Congressional pressure to provide gifts, junkets and junk, lobbyists will continue to wield stunning influence on members of Congress without the need to directly provide cash incentives.

Top lobbyists were laughing at reports that "K Street" was now out of business, and several immediately implemented hiring campaigns with the extra money.

Groups as diverse as energy companies, food producers, chemical makers, drug companies, high tech, heavy and light manufacturers, importers, the military industrial complex, and even government entities like NASA, the nation's cities and PBS-TV do not expect their ability to sway Congress to change. It will just cost them less than it used to.

Rumors that lobbyists were privately thanking their friends in Congress for the financial break, by making promises for after their terms in office expire, could not be confirmed.

Lobbyists will still be able to sponsor and pay for gigantic lucrative fundraisers for politicians, which is all that matters -- so the window-dressing loss of free food and junk is immaterial. Direct lobbyist campaign contributions are also unaffected. Lamestream outlets generally failed to mention these small points.


4- Marijuana Market Madness --

The lamestream media told you:
California, then Texas, are the leading gateways into America for pot, but now Arizona is poised to overtake them both. The Border Patrol reports it has seized 331 tons (662,650 pounds) of the illegal drug, worth $530 million, in the last fiscal year, says Daniel Gonzalez on page one of The Arizona Republic.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
One of Mexico's most important cash crops, marijuana continues to sell well in the United States, despite bluster from the "news" media, politicians, and high price supports generated by thousands of agents on the federal payroll.

Marijuana, a fast-growing weed, has a farm value roughly equal to other crops like cabbage and potatoes, but requires less care, fertilizer and pesticide than plants people will eventually eat.

At retail, cabbage and potatoes sell at roughly two pounds for a dollar, a figure useful in estimating the real economics of the pot market.

Drug-use stats are a bewildering array of age groups, time periods, drug types and of course guesswork, since all the numbers are based on flawed surveys of people who have great reason to hide the truth -- like prison sentences and financial ruin.

A synthesis of available data suggests 15% of the public consumes pot to some extent. Reduce this by eliminating the very young and very old, and perhaps 20 million Americans buy and enjoy the plant.

If a person uses a single ounce in two months, that would represent 7.5 million pounds a year, so the border patrol is catching roughly 9% of a harvest worth only $3.5 million (retail potato value). (By comparison, one can of vegetable soup contains 16 ounces of plants.)

Since these numbers are all based on wild guesses, you can double or halve the figures as you wish to approach more or less conservative estimates.

For the government claim of a half billion dollar capture to be true -- dutifully reported without question by lapdog reporters -- the caught pot is worth 151 times more than its cash-crop farm value for dirt-poor Mexican farmers.

Oh, wait -- the "news" report only covers action in one state, so it nearly completely obscures (instead of illuminating) what is actually happening in the extremely expensive, hopelessly ineffective "war" on some drugs (estimated between $17 and $50 billion).

Although overlooked in "news" reports, the war enables anybody to buy any drug in any quantity in any city in America, 24 hours a day, but they must do so quietly.

Well, at least the war provides a framework for most American gang activity, so disadvantaged youth can make a good living. And the resulting drug-related gun battles can be used as ammunition to help deny honest Americans their right to keep and bear arms.


5- NRA Fears Congress --

The lamestream media told you:
"Dire warnings are being issued by the National Rifle Association as the Democrats prepare to take control of Congress this week," reports Jeffrey Birnbaum in the Washington Post.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
In a story dripping with sarcasm and stereotypes, and working from documents it admits are stolen property, the Post gave voice to what most people already know -- the new Congress is controlled by the most anti-gun-rights zealots in America. The word "rights" does not appear in the article.

The highly respected NRA lobby is called "famously combative" a force to "snuff out" hopes, encouraging members to "fits of paranoid rage" and its $100 million dollar defense budget is described as a $20 million fund.

Mindlessly characterizing the upscale headquarters as highly unlikely "to be burgled," implying gun-toting nuts patrol the corridors, the reporter freely admits he is working from documents stolen by a mole who gained access to the building. The NRA HQ is no more or less likely to be ripped off than any of thousands of corporations in the crime-infested D.C. environs, who are frequently victims of criminals.

Birnbaum labels Michael Moore, Rosie O'Donnell, Ted Kennedy, John Kerry and similar others as "supposed anti-gun figures," in the story, which ran in the news section.


6- Black Congressmen Controversial --

The lamestream media told you:
The Congressional Black Caucus held it's photo-op swearing in ceremony, for its 43 black legislators, right after the real swearing in ceremony on the floor of Congress.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Few people got to see the ceremony since it occurred in the middle of a business day, but the good news is I was there to watch it for you and shed some light on what this part of Congress is like. The large and predominantly black audience let out gasps that went unreported in the "news" but could be heard off-camera on C-SPAN.

Emcee Dr. Michael Eric Dyson introduced his favorite female Congresswoman as, "Ebony ecstasy in coffee flesh." The Reverend Jesse Jackson could not be reached for comment, to see if he agrees, but the audience seemed to be taken aback.

When the least black representative stood for his introduction the audience let out surprised gasps, to which emcee Dyson responded, "He IS a brother! I know ya'll was wondering... y'all thought the CBC had affirmative action going here!" I am not making this up.

When Keith Ellison was introduced -- the Muslim who took his oath on the Quoran which calls for Sharia law to come before all other law -- the emcee noted the fact by improvising, "Praise be to Allah," which drew groans and sounds of discomfort from the audience out of the camera's view.

Dr. Dyson responded by remarking, "People who swear on the Bible be lying all the time anyway. If you lying the book don't matter," which lead to quiet booing.

The program ended with a call-and-reply gospel-style pep speech from CBC leader Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick (D-Mich.) who said they were doing God's work, and she had to leave for her committee assignment so she could, "Bring our money home to our 40 million black constituents," which got soft cheers. She said she hoped she got a committee with $100 billion so she could do some good.

William Jefferson, who is under investigation for $90,000 of suspected bribe money found by the FBI in his freezer, got a standing ovation.

Except for the ovation, news reports failed to mention any of this, for reasons which remain unclear. The CBC is officially non-partisan.


7- Greenhouse Is People --

The lamestream media told you:
Carbon dioxide, produced from the burning of fossil fuels, is the primary greenhouse gas. U.S. emissions of this gas have increased an average of 1% per year since 1990, according to H. Josef Hebert writing for the Associated Press. No source for the information was provided. Limits on U.S. industry will be needed to save the earth, and are being planned, he reports.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Carbon dioxide, the gas all people exhale when they breathe, is being blamed for an increase in earth's temperature, but this human component is never discussed.

The amount of carbon dioxide emitted by six billion human beings must be having an effect, since they breathe non-stop 24 hours a day, but only industry, transport and the economy are being attacked for their emissions.

Since humans average one-third of a day sleeping, using almost no transport, energy or economy during that time yet continuing to breathe or even snore, their contribution to global warming, if real, may be more significant than previously believed.

Communist China, with more than one billion breathers, would be the world's largest single contributor to the problem, if real.

Anyone who can estimate the amount of CO2 gas emitted by humans should contact The Uninvited Ombudsman with that information.


8- Bias Becomes Blatant --

The lamestream media told you:
"Democrats think the government should leverage Medicare's 43 million beneficiaries to win steep discounts from drug manufacturers. Republicans, ever wary of big government, think competition among private drug plans would keep prices down," writes Tony Pugh for the McClatchy Newspaper chain, one of the nation's media giants.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
The insidious nature of media bias has gotten worse, as reporters find new ways to subtly twist stories to avoid detection.

"If you're going to use a disparaging phrase against one party ("Republicans, ever wary of big government"), you should use something similar against both ("Democrats, rarely shy about using the coercive power of government") the Uninvited Ombudsman says. "Better yet, don't use them at all," he says.

The Uninvited Ombudsman campaigns against blatant news spin, bias and deception, an unpopular position in the "news" industry that wins him few friends there.

"And if you're going to use positive present tense ("to win steep discounts") for one plan, don't use doubtful conditionals for the other ("think competition would"), unless your goal is to be biased, and mislead gullible readers into believing your world view is correct and should dominate.

Contrary to some unflattering reports, The Uninvited Ombudsman is a moderate.


9- Korwin's new superhero idol, Counterintuitive Man, says:

Yes -- The liberals are the most conservative, and conservatives the most liberal, making political speech Orwellian and meaningless -- no?

Liberals say, "Cut down no more trees," a totally conservative approach!

Conservatives say, "Cut the trees down faster," a very liberal approach!

Liberals say, "Stop drilling for oil," which is total conservation!

Conservatives say, "Drill everywhere, right now," a totally liberal drilling policy!

Liberals say, "No one should have a gun," as conservative as you can get!

Conservatives say, "Every home should have guns and ammo," a completely liberal sprinkling of firearms!

Liberals say, "Keep religion out of everything," thoroughly conserving the spread of godliness!

Conservatives say, "Wear your religious beliefs on your sleeve," to liberally spread godliness everywhere!

Liberals say, "You should give up what you have (like your money through taxes) for everyone else's benefit, or you're heartless," a totally conservative approach to your life (and money)!

Conservatives say, "You should keep all your money (like with steep tax cuts) to use as you see fit for charity or your own benefit, and not be a bleeding heart," a totally liberal use of your life (and money)!

Liberalism, "the left," is a euphemism for socialism -- the arch enemy of the American way, and it's "bad"!

Conservatism, "the right," is a euphemism for fascism, also the arch enemy of the American dream, and it's also "bad"!

Lefty socialists seek collectivism and communal benefits, the opposite of individual freedom to do as you please!

Righty fascists seek state control and authoritarian rule, the opposite of individual freedom to do as you please!

The left and right promote Orwellian tyranny and should be flatly rejected as a matter of policy!

Religion, morality, low taxes, limited government powers, an armed public, married families, free markets, free enterprise, secure borders -- these aren't right wing (or left wing), these are CENTRIST, the core values that have made America great!

Calling America's core values one-sided is a deceptive effort by America's enemies, foreign and domestic, to unbalance the country!

Yes -- it's not the left vs. the right, it's the state vs. you -- no?



If constitutionalists all moved to one state and started running things the way America ought to be -- would you want to get up and move there? Wait till you see how fabulous that state becomes, while the feds declare them in insurrection! Read "Molon Labe," the superb novel from Boston T. Party. Book review here:


Do something good for yourself -- get a book or two your school teachers would NEVER recommend:



Thanks for reading! Tell a friend!
Alan Korwin
The Uninvited Ombudsman


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Alan Korwin
"We publish the gun laws."
4848 E. Cactus #505-440  <-- NEW ADDRESS
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Comments help keep me going. Alan.


Enjoyed the latest edition.  The AP continues to amaze me. This reporting without inquiry….geesh. --Attorney Ken Hanson


Craig's pizza story was superb!
Gary Christensen


Government nutritionists would demand that pizza sauce be declared a vegetable, while nutrition activists from the Pizza Policy Center would demand an immediate and complete halt to all pizza sales forever. --C.D. Tavares


Alan, As usual thought provoking and anger provoking commentary on what passes for journalism in America. --Dmaneck


Alan, Thanks for the great info! I really enjoy reading your reports! Keep them coming! We have the worst gun laws in the country here in California, as you know. I don't know how much longer I can live here and put up with this garbage. Our elected officials on the federal level here do not represent us. Thanks for all you do! --Robert Funk


I very much appreciate all of your up-dates and will continue to spread them around.  Have an incredible year, Jana Lang


And thanks for putting out all these books -- they are great sources of information and I buy the Traveler's Guide every year. --Jill [New 2007 edition just released, see it here:]


Great commentary. You're right on the money.


Actually i'd like to thank you for all of the news and information regarding fire arms and the second amendment. Page nine is a great read and funny, too. I read it to my girlfriend and she gets a kick out of it every time. Also, thanks for the Vet remarks at the end. It is much appreciated. God bless America. And you. --Ricky Burgin


Alan: Thank you for your efforts in keeping the rest of us informed (the "national News" folks have certainly sold out). We enjoy your writing and are blessed to receive your new PAGE NINE alerts. Be Well. --D. Allen (Dutch) Shultis


You do great work and I for one appreciate it. --Doug Leach


The fact is, global warming is a fact. Here in Maine we are having winter after winter of record high temps. Today, for instance the sun is bright and warm, temp near 50. I'm 72 years old and I can tell you that the winters today are nothing like when I was a boy. Here it is January and the three inches of snow we had were gone the next day. Lately there have been some critters that were found only down south; Possums, Mockingbirds and Cardinals to name a few. It's obvious to anyone who doesn't have stock in the coal companies that global warming is a reality. I don't have to see it on TV to know that. --Kendall Morse

[Climate changes and global warming are not the same thing; numerous factors affect periodic shifts in weather; you remember 30 years ago when scientists warned of the coming ice age but now they mostly agree that was wrong; jury is still out on what and why weather is not always the same, and especially if we can do something that would "save the earth," especially with six billion people exhaling CO2, the main "greenhouse" gas, a point that is always overlooked in the rush to change the American economy. Alan.]


Alan, I think we are changing the climate via human activities. But short-term weather doesn't always reflect what long-term trends are, anymore than the changes that day-traders try to ride reflects what happens to a company's stock over a period of years. Different time scales, disconnected mostly. There's a saying "Climate is what you expect, weather is what you get". Sincerely, Peter Wang, MS Geophysicist

[Humans may be a factor, but surely you recognize that Mt. Pinatubo erupting, or a 0.1% change in solar output, would make human effects insignificant, no? How well understood are decade-long shifts in climate? Not very. The main point is that the media now has an agenda, and they're running with it. Earth got cooler this year? Call it warming. They should be ashamed. Alan.]





Alan Korwin
"We publish the gun laws."
4848 E. Cactus #505-440 ß- New Address
Scottsdale, AZ 85254
602-996-4020 Phone
602-494-0679 FAX
1-800-707-4020 Orders
Call, write, fax or click for a free full-color catalog.


Encourage politicians to pass more laws...
with expiration dates.


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